Chapter 3: THIEF!!!!
Once again, we find ourselves back in the familiar terrain of Smeawood Forest. The lovely smell of pine, flowers and fresh dung. (Brer Bear had mee siam wif teh last nite) The sun is just rising over the hill that overlooks Smeawood Forest, named D-Cup Mound, by the first inhabitants of Smeawood Forest, The Chao Lau Tee Ko Tribe (CLTKT). Legend has it that there are still a few decendants of the Chao Lau Tee Ko Tribe living in recluse, somewhere in the Forest. But that's another story....
Fast forward a few hours and the peaceful afternoon (inhabitants of Smeawood Forest don't wake before lunch) was broken by a shrill scream that lasted 3.46 mins. It came Mama Dewway Nippola's treehouse!! The rest of the community immediately woke up and scrambled over. On a side notePeter noticed TwiddleDER coming out from MC Hammer's house instead of his own.
"They must have had a overnight freestyle battle last night. And they didn't jio me! The nerve!" Peter thought to himself.
As the village climbed up the flimsy rope ladder to Mama Nippola's tree-top house, they saw her frantically running around her house.
"It's lost! It's lost!" she muttered as she was looking thru her unwashed jeans.
"What's lost??" ZY the Beer Belly Queen asked as he tried to steal a few pieces of underwear.
"Is it the remote control again?" Peter helpfully pointed out. "BTW, ZY, that would fit u quite well."
As ZY beamed from ear to ear and shyly sauntered from side to side, Mama Nippola bellowed "You're all wronggg... Itz little George!! He's goneee!!" (Yes Dewway, we remember that they bought u the little 'toy'. He has been renamed to protect his identity)
That statement drew gasps from the crowd, especially TwiddleDER and TwiddleBER, who knew the importance of a good 'companion'. MC Hammer jus managed to stop short of gasping too loud though.
"OMG! That is disastrousss!" TwiddleBER exclaimed before breaking out in sobs. "She needs support! Group hug everyone!!" But I suppose only TwiddleDER and MC Hammer heard him because no one else moved towards them while they hugged each other and gave each other encouraging bum pats.
Everyone started getting restless and chattered among themselves, before looking toward Peter. He was after all, the pseudo (Hole's fave word) - leader of the village.
"Everybody, we have to keep calm. It appears WE HAVE A THIEF in our village!" Peter bellowed, trying to make it more drama and forgetting his plea for everyone to keep calm.
Women cried out in terror, children broke out in tears, grown men started calling for their mothers and Hurrican Katrina struck New Orleans.
"They've taken Elizaberth!!" Orlando screamed.
"No they haven't. I'm right here u blooming idiot. Lord knows why I'm still with you." Elizaberth said. Someone took the chance to smack Orlando upside the head.
Hole, feeling mighty pleased at having built a climax, continued "We'll set a trap for the thief! When we catch him then we'll decide what to do wif him/ her."
At this moment, Mama Nippola stopped sobbing and said "If its a him, can i keep it?"
Smeagor added, "Why of course Mama Nippola. I believe George needs to retire soon right? Or do you want him BACK in the game?" Everyone cringed at Smeagor's attempt at humor.
"A live one is always better I say" Elizaberth said, smothering Orlando in her bosom. Peter caught Smeagor cursing under his breath at this PDA.
Goofen, who until this time had been quiet, which was mighty unusual, finally broke her silence. "Let's go comb the forest for the thief! He couldnt have gone far. I just heard Mama Nippola using George about an hour ago..... oops. Sorry." She stopped short as Mama Nippola's killer gaze bore holes in Goofen's head.
So, the motley crew of villagers went back to their houses to get weapons to beat the thief with. Peter found a nice katana blade, Brer Bear decided he was gonna maul the thief with his claws while Goofen was going to talk the thief to death. Mama considered beating him with her breasts but decided against it, opting for the more convenient pummelling with a softball bat.
"You can't beat someone to death with a 13-inch dildo." Someone helpfully pointed out to the Twids.
So the mission was on! After a quick briefing by Peter, the villagers spread out among the lush trees of Smeawood Forest, leaving no stone unturned. For the first time was such teamwork displayed. The Gaga-brigade was teamed with the rest of Jumpstreet (whom they love so much), The Twids volunteered to team up together with MC Hammer and Peter went along with Brer Bear. Many other teams also joined in the search, determined to find the theif before their own stuff got stolen. (You think they so helpful ah. They dun want to let the theif steal their own stuff only lei... fuggin Singaporeans)
The teams searched and searched, but to no avail. It was going to be dusk soon and the teams made their way back to the meeting point, as per Peter.
But the Twids and MC Hammer werent back yet. Everyone heaved a sigh of irritation and proceeded to move to their sector.
True enough, in a meadow, there were the 3 culprits, wrapped in each other's arms, taking a nap. Suddenly, Peter spotted a shadow moving quickly around the outskirts of the meadow.
"Over there!!!!" Peter shouted.
The entire entourage stormed the front and chased the fleeting shadow. It seemed futile at first but soon it became apparent that the thief was not one of strong lungs. About a hundred meters into the chase, he started to lose speed drastically. Before long, the raving mob was almost upon him! Panting and sweating, he was pulled down like a deer chased by a pack of ravenous lions.
The mob set upon the thief with a fervour not seen since the days of IWG. Pummelling and beating him ,those that could not get prime position screamed encouragement at those that did.
Somewhere down the line, someone screamed "Bear RAPE!!" And thus the crowd obeyed. Ravaging both the thief and Brer Bear, their pleas of help came to no avail!!
Who's the thief?
To be continued...
